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Connecting with Others
- samuelrodriguez13
- May 29
- 3 min read
Having meaningful conversations, especially in a rapid and often one-time way, is a difficult skill to acquire. Most research on making connections focuses on beginning long-term relationships, and of course every person you talk to is different, and expects different things out of a conversation.
A cursory google search about making connections quickly will say that asking questions to elicit stories is a suggestion to jumpstart an interesting and engaging conversation with someone and I think this is true— but missing something. What I think is being left out in these listicles is the element of self-disclosure. You don’t have to expose all of your secrets, of course, but the ability to connect your lived experience to that of others is a key element in making an impact with that person. Anecdotally, in my 8 months as a practicum student with WFJ, my best connections have been made with a willingness to give as much as you take in a conversation. Whether it’s a family connection to U.S. Naval history or growing up in the south, I always try to offer an authentic piece of myself to those I meet at our community engaging events. This is a skill I learned while working in the fast food industry, but it’s a valuable and transferable skill– and one that has been explored in various psychology studies.
If you’re reading this and wondering how to bring more of your authentic self into conversations, consider fun facts about you, your family, a hobby you had when you were young, etc. Ask questions beyond “how’s the weather?” and don’t be afraid to break past what’s considered small talk, but know that small talk has a place too. Asking about careers, where someone is from, and other seemingly banal subjects can be a lead-in to valuable conversations as long as you know how to give in response. My conversation about Naval history came about from asking about work, and finding out that those engaging with us were active duty Navy and stationed nearby— my great grandfather served in WWII, and I spoke to them about that, and it became a give-and-take exchange that lasted longer than other interactions at tabling events because of this level of personal connection. Studies have even shown that people enjoy deeper and more personal conversations with strangers– these things make a difference in the lives of others. We hesitate to find closeness with strangers and those we may never meet again, but we need to seize these opportunities when we have them. Learning from others is one of our most valuable assets.
All of this to say, a single blog post, some studies, or a dozen listicles will not make you an effective communicator overnight. This is a muscle that you have to train and strengthen like anything else. Practice giving and taking in exchanges with your friends and loved ones. Don’t be afraid to ask questions, and answer them yourself too. Bring your authenticity and understanding, listen actively, and learn to pick out these little nuggets of gold that people drop without even realizing it. And if you’re a listicle person, the ones I perused before writing this are linked below:
And here’s a youtube video!
And a list of 50 questions to ask instead of “how are you?” to get you started:
Just remember to be authentic and listen to the people you’re in conversation with. In time, you’ll begin to notice that you create more and more magic moments with strangers.
Academic sources:
APA:
Current Opinion in Psychology:
Springer:
Written by Max Rae, 2025
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